There is a subtle yet distinct difference between encouraging the body to do hard things, and unconsciously playing out dominating or oppressive narratives toward the body.
In my younger years—my hard-core athletic days—I had gotten so used to pushing my body to its limits. It was a common practice to push through pain, ignore the signals from the body at all costs, as it was considered that those painful body cues would only slow you down. My coaches, teammates and the messages from the athletic community at large considered this a good thing. After all, it’s what you have to do to make the cut, to come out on top, to succeed. You sacrifice and you persevere.
Right?
While on some levels I do still believe it’s a good thing, I have come to learn that my internal experience of testing my body’s limits within the safety of a healthy mind-body relationship is one thing… and pushing my body’s limits with overtones of dominance and oppressive narratives is entirely another.
It’s a challenging task to marry my usual message of self-love and “meeting the body with kindness and gentleness” with the particular brand of encouragement and coaching belonging to the athletic world. Some athletes may assume that taking the relational approach will hold them back from accomplishing their big beautiful goals. And yet I wholeheartedly disagree.
What I have discovered, and continue to discover more and more, is that the body is infinitely more capable of fulfilling those goals when it is encouraged, heard, and respected. As in any relationship, it will not be at its best when pushed too hard, when its needs are ignored, or when it feels oppressed.
It really is a very fine line. When you’re working toward a fitness goal there is an awful lot of grit and perseverance required. But grit and perseverance do not have to equate to suppressing the body‘s voice and forcing it into submission.
Picture a three-legged race–
When one person on the team is dominating the other, it can seem like the best way to win is for the stronger individual to take charge and drag the slower one along. But in reality, all this will accomplish is that the stronger person feels frustrated and burdened while the slower feels ashamed and perhaps even physically hurt. On the other hand, when the two are working in sync and in harmony, they can smoothly and quickly hit that finish line together.
So these days, instead of pushing my limits, I am testing my limits. I am inviting my body to work with me to meet my big goals: to hike the trails, to climb the mountains, and to stand on the peaks I feel called to stand on. And all along the way I try to stay relational.
When my body screams at me to stop, I can pause and check to see if it just needs some encouragement, or if it actually needs to stop. I can tune in and see if my body needs a bit of nudging and cheerleading, or a short rest, or some kind of sustenance in order for us to work together to keep going.
It doesn’t need to be force.
It doesn’t need to be oppression.
It truly can be mindful gentleness.
This is such a tricky message when it comes to the fitness industry, because the dominance and oppressive narratives are still so alive and normalized. The industry still celebrates and perpetuates them.
But if we can begin to integrate the relational approach and phase out the blindly-driven “pain = gain” mentality, it can catapult athletics to the next level.
This is where we will find the ability to tap into the true power of the body.
This is where we will discover the deepest strength of a whole system working together.
This is how we can access the grit that we need to achieve our athletic dreams.
Because we can do hard things without being hard on ourselves.
And maybe, just maybe, once we become more willing to listen and be gentle with our bodies… we can become more willing to listen and be gentle with each other, as well.
Want to learn more about relational peak performance? The next Yoga Alliance registered Myofascial Yoga 300-hour teacher training program will offer a deep dive into this topic and more! With leading experts in the field of performance and yoga therapy you will be sure to leave the workshop feeling inspired and excited to move your body in new ways and tap into your ultimate potential. Watch for the next workshop coming in spril of 2025!
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